A Story of Forgiveness
I had gone thru many of the steps of forgiveness. And just still couldn’t let go. Just still couldn’t find closure to the matter.
I had always heard you must forgive or you won’t be forgiven. But it just didn’t resonate with me. It was just all too vague or something. It didn’t tug at my heart strings.
I remember the day, it was the Sunday before my 30th birthday. I took some quiet time after church. I heard God saying…
- “Ok, Trudie, did this person do you wrong?” Yes, for sure, is the answer.
- “Did this person hurt you?” Yes.
- “Did this person ruin your life?” Yep!
- “Does this person OWE you?” Yes.
Yes, yes, and yes. This person certainly owed me. I had given up so much of my life for this person’s control and agenda. Things that should not have been asked of a young girl.
Yes, the resounding answer to all those questions was yes.
I pictured myself standing before my God as the judge. The person that had hurt me was on trial and was found guilty. The punishment was, well, anything really. I think I pictured money. Say $100,000. This person owed it to me. God as the judge was admitting that, yes, the person was guilty. And He was ready to hand out the sentence.
But then Jesus walked in.
He said, “I will take the place. I will pay it all. I too, know that this was the guilty person. But I want to pay her punishment.” He handed me the money to pay the debt that was owed.
The choice was now mine. I needed to decide if I would accept the gift. Jesus was freely handing me everything the person owed me.
If I took the money, the person would be able to walk out of the courtroom free. I could not hold a grudge. I could not call another trial. If I accepted His payment, I had to let go of the right to get even.
Finally, I realized this was the way it was. Real life. Not a made-up courtroom scenario.
Jesus had paid it all on the cross. Years ago. For the sins against me. He had paid that person’s debt. He DIED on the cross so that that person would be free from the bondage they owed me.
He only asks me to accept his free gift of repayment.
When Satan comes back and he wants me to hold on to that debt. Daily, when he brings memories back and words that were spoken. Daily, when he wants me to pick that hurt back up. I have to go back to the court room. Jesus is still standing there with a receipt of payment. Signed and dated. March 1st, 2013.
Sometimes a new hurt comes; I find myself back in the courtroom. I know as soon as a sentence is made, Jesus will be walking in ready to pay the debt. He is always ready to pay all that this person owes.
He is able.
You know, I’ve missed out on a lot because of this debt owed to me. Yet, as time goes on, I’m realizing that not only is Jesus willing to pay the debt, but He also wants to fill the holes that were left. He wants to restore me completely. He wants to make good the wrong done to me. He wants to change this story of hurt into a story of complete joy.
He is not just into paying the debt, but into restoring me completely. Refining me into pure gold, tried by fire through this.
He is Able. But I have to accept it.
I have to focus on the good that this situation has brought in my life. I have to focus on the things, people, and circumstances that this very situation has brought. I need to look at the place where I would have been, and the place where I am now. And in that, I find that Jesus was able. Jesus is still able to provide payment for what this person owes me. In a FAR greater way than any person ever could. More than any punishment could have repaid, the debt is restored.
Jesus is able. Every day I have a question to answer. . . Will I let Him?
You have the same option this very day… Who are you standing on the other side of the wittness stand from? Who do you need to forgive? Jesus is walking into the courtroom. Will you let Him pay what is owed to you? Will you accept His free gift? He can restore your debt! Will you let Him?