That Child and My Confession

Today I want to share a story with you. It is one that I kept hidden and didn’t talk about for many years. Because I didn’t know how to fix the situation. It is a story about my That Child.

It is our story.

His story.

And I have a confession to make  … 

I had been sharing about him without my That Child‘s permission! Yes, all the details.

The rages.

The arguments. 

The disobedience.

The challenges.

All of it.

As I started sharing bits and pieces, more and more people started asking me about my That Child. And they wanted to tell me about their That Child

How their That Child was “the one” driving them crazy.

And their That Child was the reason they put everybody on the bus.

Or the exact opposite, their That Child was the only one on the bus and they kept everybody else at home.

So I was getting more and more questions about how I managed. I knew God was saying it was time to start sharing about what happened. And I knew I needed to call my That Child, who is now 26 years old, has graduated from college, is married, and is, in fact, the father of my first grandchild.

To tell him that I felt God encouraging me to talk about our story.

To ask him for permission.

When I called him and said – “Listen, you know I’ve been speaking around the country telling our story for a while now, people are asking me to help them. To share how we did it. But I need to ask your permission before I do that.”

So here I am- with the full permission of my That Child,  here to tell you our story and hopefully encourage you. 

Now let me tell you a few stories so you can know for sure that I have one. Because let me tell you, one of the main things the enemy wants to do, is convince each one of us who have “one of them”, that nobody understands, and nobody else’s child behaves like our’s does. But let me assure you, I get it.

My That Child used to rage- and literally, froth at the mouth. I would hold him crisscross applesauce and rock back and forth and sing him hymns just to try to calm him down. And in response he would say “You’re trying to kill me, you’re making me bleed!” At the top of his lungs. All the while he was yelling, I was just trying to calm him. And those tears of mine, were dripping off my chin into his little scruffy hair.

That was my That Child.

The one who ran into traffic, twice.

The one who if I said “No” to, looked me straight in the eye, and did exactly what I had asked him not to do.

When he was really young I used to have a policy, that when he disobeyed I would take away his favorite toy and put it on the mantle of our home. See, I didn’t just want to take it away and put it where he couldn’t see it.

I wanted him to want to have it back.

To remember why I had taken it from him.

So my husband could walk in the door after a long day at work, take one look at the mantle, and know exactly how the day had gone. 

And believe me, some days when he came home, every toy we owned was tottering on the top of the mantle.

So I do get it, I really do get it.

These are the kids that make us want to pull out our hair.

Make us want to run, yelling and screaming from the building.

Make us confident that we are just a complete failure.

That we’ve lost it.

That we can’t.

These are the kids that we think we have failed.

The kids we love- but we don’t like them very much, not at all, actually. And it’s not something that we would say out loud, or in bed, or put in a journal or anything. I’m saying it for you, because I know it’s true.

You love them cause you have to.

Because their your’s.

But you don’t like them very much.

I hope that’s not true by the time we are done discussing That Child.

I hope that during our time together you come to love.

Value.

And cherish and like That Child.

I pray that you can catch a vision for what God has blessed you, yes, blessed you with

See, that child in your home, is the one that your mother prayed you would have some day! When I was young my mother would say to me “Rachael Dawn” (you know, anytime they say your full name- you know you’re in deep weeds). Well she would say “Rachael Dawn I just hope you have someone like you someday.”

And you know what, I did.

I remember calling her one night on the phone when my oldest, my That Child was throwing another fit. And when she picked up the other end of the phone, after she said “Hello”- I  just began to apologize over and over. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

But I want you to know today, that the That Child that God has blessed you with, He hasn’t sent them to punish you!

Not to get you back!

Not to teach you a lesson!

He has blessed you with That Child so that you can draw closer to Him.

So that you can point That Child to Him.

So that you can raise a world changer. 

Whatever face came to your mind when I said That Child, I want you to purpose today with me, not to give up on That Child. Because I promise, with God’s help, you can do this.

Join us for the rest of this series as we discuss, vent, and pray over our own version of That Child.  I hope to challenge your perception and encourage you in your mothering. I pray that you will be blessed as we lift each other up and mother Those Children.

Every Thursday at 3:00 pm Eastern, I’ll have a new live discussion on my Facebook Page about That Child. Meet me there! Bring your questions. Bring your struggles. Bring your heart. I’ll meet you where you are and do my best to help you work through this very challenging stage.

In His Grace-

Rachael Carman

 

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Rachael Carman
I had it going on—or so I thought. After surviving sixty-three months of pregnancy, countless sleepless nights, and 35,000+ diapers, this one-time control freak encountered God’s grace. And I’m here to encourage you to do the same! I love encouraging and inspiring moms to grow deeper in their walk and relationship with our Heavenly Father.

I’ve been married to my beloved, Davis, since 1986; our life has been a roller-coaster ride, with God at the controls. We have seven kids and let me tell you our family loves to laugh! I enjoy playing in the dirt, eating dark chocolate, and walking on the beach. I’m an author and speaker and I am passionate about helping moms not only survive motherhood, but draw near to the Father and thrive in motherhood.

I’m so glad you’re here.
Posted on: October 25, 2016, by : Rachael Carman

6 thoughts on “That Child and My Confession

  1. Thank you! I do feel so alone in many ways! I look forward to reading the rest of your series! God bless you for touching on a subject so close to my heart!

  2. I was THAT child and now 2 of our 3 children are THAT child. As if one wasn’t enough. The eldest almost 20 is Autistic but was not diagnosed until age 17. The youngest is 4 and suffers from Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I have tried to hide in rooms, work extra hours, be of service to others, run all three kids to doctors appts. Except the youngest only Daddy can control her.
    We have Respite Nurses who help 40 hours a month – I choose to break it down to ten 4 hour shifts. Each nurse has advised me they are not strong enough to walk in my shoes full time. They are astonished at how I survive.
    Children are hard, our middle son (14) just had undergone Major Open Heart surgery all while trying to juggle the already hectic life.
    I pray your series can help our family.
    God bless
    Ginger S

  3. Thank you so much for being willing to talk about this subject. I have been praying for God’s help, strength, and wisdom to deal with my “that child” for two years now. I am looking forward to this discussion!

  4. As I sit crying over another incident with my That Child it really means so much to know I’m not alone. It’s not just the blatant disobedience but the rage and language that he uses towards us. So hard to deal with as a solo parent. Husband away a lot driving truck.

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